gryffin23

I don't actually believe in them but at the moment, I'm in the midst of laying out a skeleton (wanted to write my thought before I forget) and she feels high status somehow as though she is looking over my shoulder and saying "Mind you lay me out properly, do you know who I am?". I wonder why that would be. Maybe it is because she is so complete and smooth. Any thoughts on what might cause said feeling?

You know, there are advantages and disadvantages to having a partner who reads anything as long as it is interesting.

For example, raygungothic has begun to call me "carrots." I, unfortunately, do not possess a convenient slate. On the other hand, he's only doing this because he's enjoying the book. So, how many of you can guess the reference?

Am down in Canterbury again working on my skellies. I did 12 today. Hope all is well with you.

Was just responding to a discussion about Dr. Who when this popped up on my gmail ad section:

Doctor Who Tardis
Get the best deal on the product you're looking for at Shopping.com!
www.Shopping.com


What would be a good deal on the TARDIS? And does it come with its own Time Lord?

Incidentally, I read something the other day that suggested Mary Poppins is a Time Lady and her carpetbag is her Tardis and she missed the wars because she was looking after Jane and Michael.

Stupid trains spoiling my plans. I thought my weekend was going to go as follows: Friday evening: mulled wine and mingling at the arch dept christmas party, decent night's sleep
saturday morning: travel to Bristol and the rest of saturday hanging out there and playing with kittens
sunday morning: more bristol hanging followed by a return to London wherein, as is tradition, raygungothic will get a bloody mary for me and a g&t for himself thus ensuring that we can deal with delays in a cheerful manner

But no. It is raining and therefore all trains to Bristol are cancelled. Because, I mean, rain . . .it never happens in England, oh no.

*Sigh*. Well, at least the uni library is open and I'm a postgrad so I have swipe access to everything. So I am going to work and be productive today.

Sorry Bristol folk and felines. FGW have done it again.

Stolen from omylouse ( Books meme )

and from luckykaa



Awww. Hope you all are well

Sorry about previous post. Displaced anxiety over meeting with supervisors etc. Am a bit better now; thank you for all your support.


Couldn't really do the emo thing anyway, not pale or gaunt enough. Plus like good food and wine far far too much.

(title taken from a text L. sent this morning). Oh thank goodness. My faith in my country is restored.

I was very scared. I was also impressed with McCain's concession speech. It was gracious and well said.

Somebody tell me I'm not a failure as a woman.

There are things that I noticed at Bradford when talking to other people. All the disorganisation stuff that my female friends referred to as irritating in their male partners: losing keys, being forgetful, not knowing where things are . . .that was me. It made me feel very insecure as women are supposed to be better at these things.

And then today, I try to clean the place I've just moved out of (only there for a month, long story) and it looks ok to me but not to the estate people. Is there some fundamental thing I'm missing? I don't necessarily see dirt everywhere. I mean I appreciate cleanliness as much as the next person but I somehow can't see things as well. I don't know.

I wanted, yesterday, to buy a SHE or Cosmo or any of those just for the hell of it and what I said above stopped me. I felt as though I didn't deserve to look at a magazine like that, not that I didn't want to but that I wasn't allowed to. And I've been feeling like that a lot recently-I look at a nice skirt and think that I shouldn't have nice things . . .I don't know.

Any of you ever had moments like that?

I am not in a happy mood.

Yesterday, I was informed by telephone that my office was needed by monday so I had to clear out. I'd somehow missed the email about this but when I checked the email had only been sent a day or two before.

I thought, ok, I have a few days so today I can do some work. I called raygungothic to arrange his help to clear out and while I was on the phone, two of the administrators who had told me this appeared. When I got off the phone, they made it quite clear that they wanted me out of there RIGHT NOW even if it was in an indirect way. So I had to box up my things and then move to a space that I needed to get a new key for (it's a communal space supposedly for postgrads but heaven forbid they actually give all the postgrads keys to it) which meant I lost a day of work. Also, I know it's unreasonable but I feel quite annoyed about it; it made me feel extremely worthless. I understand the needing of space, it's a university. But I hated their approach which seemed to say "Get out of that space, you worthless waste of said space"

I feel quite rootless at the moment. There doesn't seem to be any permanence in anything. I spend 2-4 days a week in London and depending on weekends, 3-5 days in Reading. I don't feel quite at home in either place. The small office I had was the only place that felt stable, I guess, and now I've lost that.

I'm overwhelmed by what I need to do. Am getting another hundred skellies next week so that's good. But I can feel depression and rumination trying to get to me. I keep thinking I'm getting somewhere and I know I am but the thing that remains hardest to deal with is the desire to punish myself all the time. I may not be physically self-harming but mentally, I am. There's something in me that wants to punish me for not being perfect at everything and also wants to punish me for daring to be happy. Every time I ever get really happy about something, I seem to need some way to hurt myself for it.

And then this morning, after a horrible night of tossing and turning (the only part of the night I slept well was after a dream about snuggling up to raygungothic and two cats), I bent down to pick up my rucksack and promptly pulled a muscle in my back.

I just wish I could sleep away my worries. Of course, that's silly because they come from inside me and even Sleeping Beauty had to deal with a dusty palace when she awoke.

Oh well, my mum says some days are like that, even in Australia.

850 or so more to go. Still, not a bad thing as I have found a way to get through them quickly.

Why is it that depending on the tone used strangers (shopkeepers and the like) who call you dear can either sound patronising or simply really nice? I had to do some shopping at a little corner shop and the man behind the counter called me dear and the thing was the tone of his voice made me feel that he was being friendly and that his calling me dear was a way of letting me know how happy he was I was in his shop. I suppose I felt liked which is always good.

Had an odd dream last night wherein my supervisor's partner told me if I was unhappy I should go and talk to her because she was really good at making sandwiches. Makes no sense but I was amused.

Of course also dreamed of raygungothic meeting his doppelganger who turned out to be extremely carnivorous . . .don't know where that came from.

And yesterday I had a skeleton with trauma and osteomyelitis and fusion and possibly an arthritic toe. Now since the trauma and osteomyelitis were all on the extremities on one side, it is possible that this guy may have been in Canterbury to heal that (lameness being a major reason for pilgrimage)

I have the most wonderful fiance. Not only did he take me out for a lovely dinner last night (you have turned 27! Champagne!)but today, I got home to discover that he'd been sweet enough to send me a card through the post as well because he thought I might want one!


I am a very lucky woman.

Also, am happy because I got to go on a dice buying spree yesterday.

ok, off to do some shopping. (am baking a cake)

They're mummies Now I appreciate the idea of covering for preservation, but this? Really now.


Also, I'm 27 today. I'm in my last year of being in my mid twenties. How weird is that?

I'm just annoyed that people besides all of you and my other friends exist. Or at least certain types of people which I will list in hopes it will make me feel better.

1) The mother with the SUV of a buggy who blocks the bus exit and complains that buses aren't big enough. Babies aren't that big and if they're big enough to need that size buggy there's something else wrong (note for Americans: buggy=stroller)

2) The chavettes smacking gum as loudly as they possibly can while discussing as shrilly and loudly as possible the, erm, anatomical merits of someone they know.

3) the guy who apparently deems it necessary to spread his legs and his body over two whole seats on the bus and treat us all to a loud inane conversation conducted in an accent that would give Henry Higgins an ulcer.

4) all those who act as though you are somehow in the way when you are sitting down in a seat on the bus.

I'm just feeling anxious, irritated and nervous. I need a bit of sunwashed silence. One day, when L and I were in Cornwall, it was especially sunny and we reached a barrow and then we just stopped and there was no sound, all was still. It was wonderful. The last time I had that feeling was when kayaking in a lake in New Hampshire on a hot August day. I was paddling ahead of my parents, sister, etc and suddenly I was just there in that stillness punctuated briefly by cicadas. I need that now.

I do feel better after writing that.

You know you've gotten into your character when you start thinking about songs from musicals that might reflect their way of thinking about things.

I really love Vola (my character's name; her journal is vola17). I've discovered many things about her as I play her. She has a more complex backstory than I first thought if she is only 17. She also has a ridiculously pragmatic approach which is actually serving me well outside Kystatia. I'm more efficient and less afraid of criticism from my supervisors. raygungothic says a really good way to improve your public speaking is to DM so I may have to have a go.

I might also have a chance to play a changeling archivist for a bit which I look forward to but Vola is the first character I created all by myself (at Christmas, raygungothic fell asleep before me, a startlingly rare occurrence, and I tried rolling up a character all by myself and Vola was the end result)and so she is very special.

The other reason I'm enjoying this so much is that raygungothic is a darn good DM. He does good creepy voices which I sometimes ask him to do out of context because I like the shivers I get.

Plus I'm a dice addict now. I went into my local games shop to buy dice for a fellow player and the owner grinned at me and said "so what pretty dice are you after now?"

Anyway, am going to go write in Vola's journal now.

Anybody besides me remember Animaniacs? I've just rediscovered them. They had some great songs about the nations of the world, US Presidents, the 50 state capitols. Cartoons for smart kids.


Just wondering.

So, how many of us girls have watched A Room with a View and loved the romance of Lucy and George?

I know I have and I was rewatching it and loving it more than usual and here is where I pay raygungothic a compliment that he won't get because he hasn't seen it but that any of you who've watched it will understand. I realised while watching it that not only can I be as pretty as Helena Bonham Carter if I set my mind to it but that the Lucy in me has definitely found her George. In other words, I was loving it because this time the romance looked familiar (also I have her gloves and parasol).

So, raygungothic, honeymoon in Florence?

For all Ring lovers Oh no!.

Also, as I am one of the people in cath_er_ine's D&D party, I have taken her lead and made a journal for my character. That would be vola17. I've taken a different approach to cath_er_ine's character friskeya but it's a different character. I'm really quite excited as it's my first time in a party.

On more D&D related notes, I was indulging in bad Saturday morning telly and was watching a casting call for a stupid reality show entitled "Beauty and the Geek". One of the 'geeks' they interviewed was a DM and apparently a girl he rather fancied called him up on D&D night to ask him to come over and he said no, he was playing D&D. The telly tried to make this seem pathetic but all I could think was what a decent DM who knows not to let his players down. Clearly the makers had no idea of how D&D works and the responsibilities of the DM.

I also realised something interesting yesterday. For a very long time, I used to run fantasies in my head whenever I was doing anything wherein I was always someone else (Mara Jade, Scully, Rose (from Titanic when I was 16), Hermione etc). And now I can't do it any more. But I can't do it because each time I try, I realise that I don't feel like it and I don't need to. And this is significant becuase for the first time in my life, I actually AM myself with no need to be anyone else. Playing D&D in some ways feels more like acting which I suppose is why the character I'm playing is so different from me.

So I feel I'm doing well and I'm weaning myself off the anti-depressants and walking and my mum accepts me as a complete nerd (she asked me about Terry Pratchett and Alzheimer's yesterday because she wasn't sure if I knew and she knew if I didn't, I'd want to).

That's all for the moment.

So, I know everyone's posted their earthquake experiences already; now it's my turn. I had just finished a chapter to hand in the next day and was lying in bed reading (I have to read a bit of something before I go to sleep) when it seemed to me that the bed was shaking. I spent the whole of the earthquake trying to figure out what was going on. I didn't know it was one until my friend asked me if I'd felt it the night before.

That makes two earthquakes I've been in in my life: one here and one in China.

In finger related news, as of Monday I will have graduated from dressings to heavy duty plasters which is major progress! The human body really is a fascinating machine. It's remarkably efficient in many ways and its ability to essentially remake the part of my finger is just . . .wow. Along those notes, check out this. I love that it appreciates in some ways the nature of femaleness. And here's another one that seems to be appreciating the girl who cannot pass a bookshop or a library without going in: bookish girls are sexy .


It's funny, my rant about dyspraxia and dyslexia lumped in together is not entirely fair as from my research into dyspraxia, I've learned that in over 50% of cases, these things are linked. So, really, I'm quite lucky that my verbal and reading aptitudes are so high. Also, I'm improving my spatial reasoning thanks to a tangram calendar that Lester's dad gave me for Christmas. I've gotten much better at it since January and thoroughly enjoy it so now I want more.

snuggly_llama, I'm so glad you enjoy your job. Also, even if it is blurry, cat pics, please? I want to know what the kitty who hides toys in your shoes looks like.

Today I had an experience which to me defines the difficulty of being a woman today. I was at the cashier at Boots paying for a simple manicure set and some nail polish remover with Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth tucked under my arm. Hmmm . . .your thoughts?